My Journey

Nov 18

2011-11-06T01:50:00.002+05:30

When I travelled to UK , I had been waiting for that trip , the energy around that trip was huge , It was like some force of nature conspiring to help me get to my dream ,I really loved it for 19 months , the trips back home , the sourjons to watch the most beautiful places on earth.It was a eye opener in many ways , helped me understand myself better.
2011 US travel was totally unexpected , the place looks lost to me , or have I lost that energy , I am still interested to be here , I guess not , I left Atlanta only once in the last 4 months and that itself is a very huge surprise for me, the second time I am going to step out of Atlanta is to come home , how I am looking forward only I can understand , for all the under acheivements of this trip there is one hope I am going to be back here Dec and here is what I am going to do

1. NOV Next Week End :Sky Diving
2. DEC : LAS VEGAS,Grand Canyon
3. JAN : Utah
4. FEB : CANCUN / AMAZON Forests
5. Mar : India
6. APR : SriLanka

Huge Wish List , but this time I going to go each and every place....

The Boy At The Beach

2011-05-10T22:58:00.004+05:30

Sitting and Staring at beach brings me a lot of calm generally , in fact day in and day out it does bring me calm, today was not one such day.I sat there at the beach going over what I had done that day in office , I had complained , screamed and then lost cool over a petty issue of not being noticed despite the hard yards I had put in.

The scene played over again and again in my mind.No matter what, it would just not go away,i tried to shoo it way with a regular routine of mine,closing my eyes and counting till ten , I couldn't even reach six.Finally I came to a conclusion that what I had experienced was unfair and I had every right to feel so and not calm down or perhaps carry the feeling as far it doesn't go away itself.

With such a disturbed mind I started to take a walk along the beach , the day had started to cool down ,Chennai can be hard on you on a summer day and specially in the month of may , I let the waves hit my feet and just sat down to get myself drenched.I just had no idea how long I was there sitting and thinking and ruminating about the day's events.

As it was getting dark , I started to walk back to the road, that is when I saw this incident , A kid with torn trousers was fetching stones from the beach and running to a guy who just took it from him examined it and then threw it away, this happened at-least for five to six times , I just could not suppress my enthusiasm and joined the guy,the boy used to run to us show the stone and then wait expectantly , the guy who asked him to get that would see it and then would just frown and then throw it away , the boy seemed not to understand , look apologetically and then run back to the beach and bring back another.From a conversation with him I understood that all he wanted was a shell.

Finally the guy left with the boy left searching for the stone.I stood there with my blood seething, I just wanted to ask the boy why would he go to such long stretches without understanding what he was doing, when the boy finally returned to find that the guy was gone he stood there for a long time with a long face, he did not know what to do , looking at his face I took pity and started to tell him that all he wanted was a shell not stones, he still was adamant showing the stone to me, I just shrugged my shoulders and thought that at-least I could help the kid and bought it for 20 rs. I put it in my pocket and reached my room.While changing from my wet clothes , the stone fell down from my pocket and there surprisingly was the shell...I was shocked to see that what appeared to be stone was layers of salt and filth that had covered the shell and it was the finest piece of shell I had ever laid hands upon.

The next thought that struck as lightning to me was the morning incident where I was the boy running to and from the beach to fetch the shells and the guy who demanded them was the one who did not recognize them. A smile came to my lips , I knew what needed to be done next .... I just had to know that the filth and sand has to be cleaned before presenting it to the guy( it may be any other guy/company/non-entity doesn't matter to me) who asked for it,for he might not even know what a shell looks like.....

I went back to the beach to find the boy, he was not there , may be he just bought his one night meal ... but he taught me a life lesson..

After 5 PM

2011-05-10T22:17:00.003+05:30

For two continuous days left office after 5 , yesterday wondered what was I going to do and hit the bed early, today i found the answer,My Android Mobile ... Got the barcode scanner installed scanned products avaialable

Sucess
Sigma Protocol - Book
The Dairy of a End Girl -Book
The Bourne Betrayal - Book
Priya Ginger Pickle -Product
Adidas Deo -Product
Hp Laptop DV2000 -Product
HP Laptop Adapter - Product
Failures:
Parachute Coconut Oil
Nivea Moisturiser
Coca Cola
Thumbs Up
Ruggers Bag

Deduction : Products Sold / Manufactured for sale in USA/ Europe identified not Indian ones , Wonder what App does LG Optimus Have remember that Advt .. Goat Cheese from Nasik....

With Sachin Gone time to kill still ....next app

Rambling again

2011-03-23T00:54:00.008+05:30

Watching certain types of people live makes me cringe.Hypocrisy ,my life is one among those.Right now that is not what bothers me,it is this certain life that is a problem.Comparing is always what I hate and hated when others did.But then at the end of the day it pricks,it pricks at my heart,tears it out ,the face in the mirror mocks me.

Always thinking that something is missing in life has become a norm,yet when I look around I know life has been good largely,yet the thought lasts till the next time I confront something else that always eluded me.Great minds spoke about human development as always wanting to move forward, bring changes ,want more things.Disappointment,sadness comes as a parcel ,mock it said Edison.

Not long ago I had a thought which I pursued but not until I realized it.There were diversions,which now have become habits.I know all these and yet it is easier to let it be.Inertia some would call it.I prefer ineptness as more suitable word.

So what is it , I ask at the end of this,what is it that I am going to change,there-in lies my problem, too many ,one at a time my friend ,one at a time...and all in good time,the thought is all it needs ,to be done

Back In Trivandrum

2010-10-24T21:49:00.003+05:30

How much ever i wanted to get away from this place Trivandrum , i always want to visit here , such a beautiful place , is that the reason ? i had to be honest .. no it was not , the memories i left here are worth savoring , the places i visited here are worth revisiting , what if it is a single chay at pangapara .What if it is a singe moment spent at the door step of my old room where i used to pick up delicious dinner from my friends.
What if it is a lonely walk on the medical college road , what if it is a solitary cigarette in the bike park of Bhavani where the chit chat sessions in rain would continue for hours.I Love this place and that is something i realized this time around.

It is like a itch which u scratch , happy till u keep scratching it ... but red hot rash when u leave it.....Hmmm Shangumugham bridge has not changed anything , and Sundar has not changed a bit .Probably it is sane to avoid coming here , but whatever i say now i know i am going to be back here.....

Tamil Semmozhi Manadu Anthem Video Song- A R Rahman

2010-06-13T11:16:00.000+05:30

The Cricket OverKill

2010-05-18T23:27:00.001+05:30

In headlines today , Indian team members in a pub brawl , eight months ago the same protagonist caught fighting in a pub ,we broke the news first then and now , looks like carribean curry is too hot for our guys, in other news Indian prime minister and US president met over the issue of terrorism

--- Past one week this is how the news channels reports seem to be giving more air time to most trivial and a page 3 incident , yes we are all disappointed and as self-appointed custodians of holding every other person to account of brining the nation to disrepute , we enjoy the bashing , the photos of the past , the public dissection and analysis of a troubled family .In pure cricketing terms we were outplayed and the better teams on that day prevailed , it hurts when someone you pinned hopes on failed and worse when you watch it sacrificing your sleep , but at the end of the day cricket is just a game and like in every game there has to be a winner and there has to be loser.

A loss of Indian cricket by no means authorizes us to pass judgements and burn down houses of the cricketers,if at all the anger should be directed towards BCCI who seem to be content with filling their coffers by playing the same team 40 times home away and then in a neutral venue. Why did we not travel to the kiwi land for 8 years ,agreed that we were made to play in grasslands and it was not a good advertisement for cricket , but then what does the board do , they do not send the team to the country for next 7 years ( logistics , FTP and crap ),what do kiwis do this time around , steal some strip from the golden quadrilateral and lay it in the ground , team makes merry beats a second grade test team with considerable ,come back and brag that this team has won in every knook and corner.

If the ball bounces bring back Dravid , if it is at a comfortable height let Raina make merry, the board is to be blamed for the debacles and in between all the money , hectic schedules and the legal tussles cricket somewhere is taking a back seat, like I said it hurts but then even Speilberg makes flop movies. The anger and hurt does not justify us wading in to the personal lifes of cricketers.

Next time you watch such stupidity on TV , do yourself a favour change the channel.

What do I tell you

2010-05-11T21:00:00.001+05:30

What do you tell a person who is hurting to tell you a thing that's
going to hurt you? What do you tell a person who knows that to back
off and cut out is the best way out,but still is optimistic and
searching for a way to make it work, well finally what the hell is
wrong with me that i am thinking that way too.
Well when the world was born, it was probably about food that men
thought about, when we got smarter things got complicated, I love
simple things in life and like to keep my life simple, but somehow as
simple as the word simple seems to be ,acheiving it looks to be a
complicated thing.
Well committments aren't necessarily that strong when the
alternative path is easy to take, well its simple right ? makes life
much more easier,but was that the simplicity I was after.
More I think about it more complex patterns start to appear,the
easy alternative chosen is not always simple alternative, its again
influenced by complex logic, so is it logic what elavated human race
from the need seeker to luxury monger?
Back on to what can we tell the person who is already hurting , do
you share the hurt which is never going to reduce like in the simple
world that exists in the fantasies. Well how far can you push a person
who has his/her back to wall? I am searching for this answer for the
past week. What do I say to that face in mirror ?

--
Sent from my mobile device

Sundar M R
Picture abhi baaki he mere dost......

Love Sex Dokha

2010-03-21T00:25:00.004+05:30

I love watching movies, when I saw pulp fiction; I was left wondering when such movies will come home. We have so many talented movie makers, and a lot more movie goers who are bored to death with the 6 songs 4 fight movies. Here was the answer, the age of spy cameras and mms has come here to stay, LSD will leave you with a disturbed mind, a lump in your throat and I guess it will make lot of talented people out there with a handy camera shoot movies.

The title display was so Quentin Taratino’ish , I was left wondering when was the last time I felt so good 2 minutes in to the movie , the 3 stories are interwoven seamlessly without effort . I hated Ekta for spoiling my evenings in probably 3 different languages, but this might be her Rashomon moment. This is one such movie where the plot takes back seat and the characters assume the center stage, no breaks for a cigarette during that unruly song or no moment to check that fold under your girl friend’s neck, this movie captures your attention and never let’s it go, for the 108 minutes it slides through the screen.

Like OLO, the characters and their handling are so beautiful, the morning shift girl in the store who has a Russian lover is the one that will stay with me for a while, she is so very clichéd, but then she makes your heart go for the night shift lady who forms the crux of the second story, betraying more would be a injustice to the movie. This is what a realistic cinema is or the closest cinema could get to be real. The interweaving of one story to other actually adds something to the other two, this technique is now well documented in multiple story line movies, but this one is the closest it can get to perfection.

In this age of sensational stories and unedited footage fed in prime time, LSD is a very honest attempt and the director has his heart at the right place, something is changing in Indian Cinema, in the space of two months there have been two good movies VTV and LSD and an impostor MNIK which could have been, LSD is Howard Roark of the cinema’s this year.
Violence and sexuality is extreme ,but we were not promised otherwise , the trailers don’t do justice to the movie , it does not prepare the audience for what is going to hit them , we need more Dibakar’s and Anurag’s , bring them on , marry multiplex movies to the common audience.

4.5 Out of 5

Hunger

2010-03-10T00:10:00.004+05:30

Look at me I am here
Summer's Gone Winter is here

Look at me I am here
Heat is gone , but the hunger stays

Lots of things you have to throw
Not one that makes me full

Look at me I am here
Summer's gone , Winter is here

Seasons change , your fashions change
But my rags are still on

People stop , throw a glance
Faces turn, not my choice , are my looks

Winter is gone , so is the year
Destiny's child , hunger still here

Lots of love in the world to share
All I need is a soul to care

Blood in veins , mine to sell
Don't look for me , I don't need the care

Winter's gone so has the hunger
Donno if I can still see the summer

Don't look for me I am gone
Bones still fear , for there may be hunger

Two Mad Guys and a Lancer

2010-03-08T19:58:00.001+05:30

Monday night 11:30 , After a plateful of Chowmein ,( I would say spaghetti , but my friend will kill me , she had cooked it , I will let her name it ) and a cup full of coffee , me and Arun set out on the trip to Bangalore from Pune , this trip was about 837 kilometers and I was having a bad cramp near my right shoulder , sanity said take a break , drive in the morning , but would we be us if we were sane , so with Love Aaj Kal playing blasting out from my Nokia 5800 we set out to Bangalore.

The night travel was a revelation , we did want to take a deviation to Mahabaleshwar but I guess it had to wait for some other day , the pain in my next started to descend towards my right elbow and finally I had a throbbing pain all along the shoulder , the highway was a beauty and the car was flying , I did not want to interrupt the flow and we stopped for a tea near Kashil , by this time I had tried different postures to reduce the pain and Arun was down to 60 from 140 KM’s per hour , a tea and a roasted corn did

not thing to raise the spirits and we decided that we should drive till Kolhapur and rest for the night , but 30 kilometers in to the travel , the pain was unbearable and the night pitch dark , my thoughts wandered to the discussions me and my manager used to have about driving hazards on highways and with me sleeping we decided that a halt was of primary importance , after knocking at a couple of inns we found our self at a small hotel , and parked ourselves in a dingy room ( was A/C of course ) . When we woke up the next day, the sun was beautiful and there was a small stable next to the hotel, the view from the fourth floor was nice and I had a good time capturing some of the moments of my life on the D40x.

The pain was very less compared to previous night and having rejuvenated ourselves with a cup of coffee, we hit the pedal at 8:30 towards Kolhapur, it was bright and sunny and all indications were for another hot and humid summer day , 20 kilometers in to the drive , just before entering to Kolhapur we were surprised to find thick fog covering the road reducing the visibility to 10 meters or less , Nikon time’s again , we stopped to admire the beauty it was ( not that we could see anything ), but fog on a summer day and with no indication made us halt and think about the Munnar days from the past .

9:30, breakfast time and we obliged the angry growls from the stomach, Dosa in Kolhapur 800 miles north to its birthplace, the Sambhar was sweet and I could not find out the ingredients of the chutney, but we were famished and lassi made sure that we forgot the breakfast and drove ahead. The Sun was on his way to his destination as we put miles behind us, welcome to Karnataka was not where to be seen , but thanks to Airtel I got to know where I was, the only strange thing for me in this travel was that, as far as I could see on both sides of the road, there was not a single tree to be seen, it was a red sand desert.

Nothing exciting happened for another two hours and I dozed off, only to hear a swear word and to be jolted out of my comfort. A Lorry driver had put on his left indicator to change lane and somehow at the final moment decided to go right and we had to abruptly break , that was the closest brush with disaster we had till then , the sun was sweltering hot by this time and the engine was grumbling. The fuel indicator got me worried, but Arun was said it was safe for another 50 kilometers, let us hit Hubli. 5kms in to the journey, the fuel indicator was on and we had to turn back to fill the tank, Strange enough the service man at the fuel station did not understand Hindi, then Arun tried Kannada and we were not brave enough to use Tamil, National pride some other day, once the fuelling was done for 2000 rs, the Service Man started to say two words which got me worried, very worried indeed, No Card only Cash and we had about 1 percent of the cash with us. We suggested that one of them come with us to a nearby ATM and we would drop them back here, I guess this one had watched too many English horror movies and instead suggested that one of us stay back while the other got the money. Thus I got to know close up how a petrol pump works; I even filled tanks for a couple of passing by tanks and learnt how to program the machine in terms of both money and quantity of the fuel.

The owner took pity on me when he knew that I was a software engineer and enquired on my health and how much I bleed my industry per month, I was getting restless with his English and he with my Tulu, but magically enough we understood each other, after all we are Indians, Arun came back and we hit the road again with a moong dal packet the owner gifted me. I did not eat it then, My mother had always cautioned me against eating biscuits from strangers in a travel, though this guy was a owner of a petrol pump I could not quite come over that feeling, out it went through the window once we crossed a safe distance

At 2:30, we passed by a college on left and to the right stood huge statues of Mahaveer Jain, I do not remember the place, but the statues were astounding, standing there, in middle of now where , we got down the car and went in to the dhabha nearby for lunch , this particular dhabha will always be etched in my mind , no not for the food , but for a dog I saw there , it was easily 3/4^th of my height , and my dog enthusiastic friend wanted a photo with it , I was sure that one of his hands or leg will stay forever in that dhabha and I had to drive the rest of the distance , but nothing of that sort happened , the dog turned out to be one lazy creature , it just posed for the camera . I maintained a safe distance just to be very sure. Arun had to take break and we stopped by a small village deviating the NH and finding a tree , I climbed on to the tree and sat on it gazing at the ongoing traffic and not even a single bike passed by without stopping to have a look at me , this particular feature of people always amazed me , no wonder how much ever hurry we might be in , we would always stop to stare , we are one enthusiastic bunch ,when it encounter something strange , I guess that is why PDA is less in India as opposed to other nations.

The blazing heat gave away to a pleasant evening the nicest I have seen for months now, we had reached Chitradurg by around 6:00 in the evening and the sunset was beautiful, I was unlucky not to have caught a single sunset in KanyaKumari. The colors today was beautiful, I was never good with art and one picture which I always drew good was Amoeba and the other was that of a sunset, be it with a background of an ocean or the a hill, this was my favorite piece of art and the colors that surrounded the sun on this particular evening just blew me away, I had to be quick the sunset was fast and I almost missed it, a couple of shots turned out to be good, amateurish but a good. A few more miles and we saw a bush fire raging through whatever shrubs it could devour on a nearby hill, the journey from here on was arduous as NH4 turned out to be horrible for around 90 kms and it took us a good three of hours to reach Tumkur. We finally hit Bangalore at 11:30 our looks resembled those of the rider in the cowboy movies, muddy boots, unkempt hair, tanned skin. The journey took us almost 18 hrs at an average speed of about 60 with pit stops, but it was fun, it gave me lot of insight of what to expect in northern Karnataka and would serve as my first long trip on a single day.

Diversity in Food

2010-02-23T22:42:00.000+05:30

“Why has it always got to be Sambhar buddy “,my north Indian friend shouted at me , I wanted to say , dumbo get off your roti and a kilo of butter first , “ I like it “, came my meek answer .

“Mom’s Sambhar is the best”, I said wanting to convince him and make him believe that Sambhar and idly are the best things that has happened to man, since dietary menu was created,

”You should come home one day and have my mom’s Sambhar and you for the rest of your life will keep asking for it” I said,

He made a face and then gave it a thought and after a couple of minutes asked me, “How will roti taste with Sambhar!! “

Last Sunset

2010-02-23T22:41:00.000+05:30

Rays of Gold and Orange
Meeting the serene blue
Tired birds flocking home
Desperate waves trying to hold on to the shore
Smoke from a nearby hut
Wafting scent of fresh cooked fish
Kites flying high in the sky
Kids running for the ball
Church bells ringing in the background
And a choir singing Jingles
That was how it was
That last sunset, at my favorite bridge

Shangumugam Bridge

2010-02-23T22:40:00.000+05:30

There is a long bridge near Shangumugam beach and the best part of it is that you are allowed to drive your bike till the tip of bridge.We used to visit that place quite very often, some of our nice friendships developed there. Sitting on the rock there and watching the vast expanse of the sea spreading before us and below us with waves lashing at the pillars of the bridge was an awesome experience.The last time when I went there, there was a strong feeling of nostalgia, the silhouette of the bike pulled me to the past, the stories I thought about sitting on the bridge, the poems I wrote looking at the ocean, the fun we friends had when the bike got stuck in the sand, and the reality that I might never ever visit that place again. Some part of me never boarded the bus to Bangalore that Sunday evening .The bridge and its raw beauty , the sea and its ferocious waves , the serenity of the church behind it , the playful kids with their volleys below , the fisherman and their nets , the memories of times spent with friends there .It was strange that how I never got to see a single sunset despite being there almost every other week , finally when I got the will to get my bike back , it was time for the bridge to show me it’s one last bout of affection , the wheel got stuck in a gap between the slabs of concrete ,I could feel my friends standing with me , walking with me and pulling the bike out for me and saying how they wish they could be there with me for one more time.

Angel

2010-01-22T20:22:00.002+05:30

In the evening over my balcony
flew an angel spreading bright light

I saw , I was speaking to her
she answered with a little smile

I could hear her voice in me
calling for a new begining

I felt like a feather
floating over in a gentle breeze

she was so beautiful at heart
took away my sorrow with words

suddenly I could see her face
It was you my friend it was you

My Way of saying thank you to all those who stood by my antics for past 10 months

A Thought from Past

2010-01-22T19:49:00.003+05:30

Found it in my archives folder , thought I could well post it here

Days I was with you
I never realized what that touch meant

Now I crave for one moment
I pray for that one moment of proximity

Days I was with you
I never realized what you were

Now I know that you are the one
Can't wait for a day , can't wait fora night

Days I was with you
Never realized how warm would that hug have been

Now I want the warmth but
I know that , that one hug is far from me

Days I was with you
Never realized that glint in your eye

But now as I dream about you
Can't wait for a day , can't wait for a night
to see that glow in your eye

Days I was with you
I never realized what it was between us

Now that love has hit me
Can't wait for a day , can't wait fora night

Opinions that made me halt and think

2010-01-21T23:30:00.001+05:30

I remember certain events precisely in my life and the words spoken by my friends, my relatives and even the conversations I overheard in trains, buses. This is an attempt to acknowledge the effect they have had on me, some of them hurt while some brought about an uninhibited laughter

One of my friends said to me “ When there are lot of things going bad in your life , take them each separately and never ever try to relate them for there is always a way to hook up these things and the only thing it leads to is more chaos” , this works out brilliantly enough for me.

My relative was speaking to one of my friends and was saying “the most straightforward person in our family “, the wry smile on my friends face told me that I wasn’t the same while with friends, but I made it a point to work on it from that day and to this day when I wake up that is the first thing I think about.

This one is a gem and I still ROFL when I think about it, We were discussing what a condom does and one of my friend asked what happens when u have sex with condom, pat came a reply from another friend “It’s like wearing a raincoat and trying to get wet in rain, nothing really happens” (We were in our 14^Th or 15Th year then)

Then there was a issue with the shares of the money we had spent on a trip and two months down the lane I was still unable to repay the debts, one of my then friends offered me an advice, “You have got to get money from a place where you need not repay it, until that happens you are never going to get out of this “.

I was totally broke due to my adventures in my final year 1^st semester and had nothing but a couple of rupees left in hand, I searched my trunk box and found a small pouch of coins that I had not used and had collected just for the sake of it, the happiness I got that day cannot be probably matched with anything yet in my life, I learnt that saving really helps even if unintentional

“I would die for you, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t live for you – Howard Roark Fountain head” probably the last message my best friend sent me. Well, never try to change what is not yours to change, take a person as he is.

“I don’t love you and if you do not want to believe that what can I do? “, Love is not forever, it changes as does all the things in the world.

“Take this cash and solve your problems , after all you are my son” , when my bad debt had reached the ears of my father , a small unrelated incident which made me understand what a family is all about.

“America invented a pen which could be used to write in space craft which costed lakhs of dollars? Why not use a pencil? “Well looks smart the questions doesn’t it , but when someone else told me that under zero gravity a broken pencil tip could cause a hell of a lot of damage I started thinking …

When Aamir was American for me

2010-01-19T22:29:00.001+05:30

This Saturday I was flying to Pune from Bangalore and I had this Hit maker edition of India Today with me and Aamir was smiling at me, somehow I was transported back to my childhood days or say teenage (for I really graduated in to my teens in my 16Th year) .It was in my 8th standard or probably 9th I don’t remember correctly, Rangeela had released and was dubbed in to my native language Telugu , it was hyped to be the best movie of the year and there was some other movie called Kuch to pagal tha , that was what my friends would tell me the name was , which I later found out was Dil to Pagal Hai and some Sharukh Khan was the hero.

I used to live in a stretch of houses which had cement tiles for roof and was like a ghetto ( now really thinking back about those days where some waste paper and rubber band’s would become cricket balls and a wooden stick would be a bat and we would play in the streets bindaas , makes me crave for it ). For the five families which lived there, only one house hosted a television with DoorDarshan as a sole channel, Chitrahaar was our only source to Hindi filmy world.

With this background set , when Rangeela released in that year in Telugu , having seen some censored wall posters on the way to school , we wanted to see the movie . I went to my Dad and pulled up the courage to ask him to take me to the movie , My dad looked at me as if I had spoken a swear word one and said that I shouldn’t watch such movies and he would not take me. I did not have the courage to prolong the discussion, but every now and then during class breaks I would hear my friends whisper in class about how his father was discussing with his guests about the acting prowess of the hero called American in the movie Rangeela, and the pronunciation added to the whispering made me assume that the name of the hero was American. I used to wonder why is an Indian guy named American and then I reason myself with some other filmy knowledge , Konidella Siva Sankara Vara Prasad was Chiranjeevi ,s o this guy should have named himself fancy as his name must have been as long as the megastar’s .

I used answer the same in quizzes which were conducted in school or outside for fun and get away with the answer for my pronunciation was as bad as theirs and the quizmasters would hear Aamir Khan (which they want to hear).No one ever corrected me and I never bothered to check his name up on the posters, Urmila was good enough for me. Years later, I bunked my classes when I was in my 12th (I think so) and went for this movie Mann with one of my friends, and there I happened to see this name flashed on the screen “Aamir Khan “. I started to laugh and my friend was amused, He did not know why, only I knew how stupid I felt that day.

The thought brought me a good laugh and I burst out laughing loud only to see the confused face of my co-passenger.

I Still can't figure out

2009-12-17T00:49:00.001+05:30

I burnt my dairy today the 14th of December what did I achieve , yes I got the thought that I am still like those ashes that remained , which blew right and then left with wind , the ashes did not have a direction of its own and I do no either, I am 27 years young but still with no direction , not long ago I thought I had it figured it out ,every thing in my life looked rosy and cosy and planned , but one fateful day changed all that and I still am searching for what I want .The ashes of my dairy , even when they went to oblivion they taught me a thing or two about life , nothing is permanent , so don’t take any thing for granted,
I always thought I am better in some other place, I can be something I want, but I seldom realised that I could have been what I wanted in this place, at this time, saving ones energy for future seems futile to me at this point in time, spend it now says my immediate experience, so that’s what I am looking forward to, I may fail as I have in past but at least it is my failure.
It feels strange, very strange to me that I feel bad very bad to leave this place , I have reaped lot of pain here, where have I not , I cant go back to my birth place , for it is laden with too heavy memories from the death of my fathers elder brother death to his younger ones betrayal , my college place where my indecisiveness still puzzles me , and this place where I have loved and lost , so I dug deep and found the answer , and it was me the answer was me , I had every thing to blame , I lived in the past and dreamt about the future , and I now know that It wont work , through the journey I have earned friends , some as soft as a petal and others as hard as whip , but they have endured me and as I have my life , 27 years is too young for the above shit , but I owe it o the following people and it is my way of letting them know

Sonal
Arun
Siva
Karthik
Pabboo
Pradeep
Naveen
Pete(Pavan)
Mahesh
I have not included my dad in the list , I don’t want be mean him , if there is a soul on the earth that would bear the dirt thrown at it, by it’s own flesh and blood , it could be none other than the man I excluded , I owe it to him and I will live by his rules and his fancies , it’s not a sacrifice but it’s a tribute , if ever there is one I would pay it to ,it would be to him.

Memories behave in a crazy way, they leave you alone when you are in a crowd and when you are alone they stand along like a crowd …. Strange are life’s ways and I am no stranger to them …….

Goa lSetting

2009-11-29T01:38:00.002+05:30

I was just trying to figure out what my life was like in office after the recent goal setting,just was not able to figure it out,there weren't enough word's or i wasn't able to get the correct word's.
Then I came home had a couple of soul softner's and started reading my favourite comic strip,i don't know if i can call that any more ,but it ran thus
A: I am guessing a number between 1 and six million can you tell the numbet
B: 11
A: no, any second guess
B: Six mILLION EIGHT
a: NO GUESS AGAIN
B: vanishes
A: Don't you want to play a game....

I don't need to tell you I was B right.....

My Dream

2009-08-24T10:56:00.002+05:30

I wake up ,its morning again ,or why would there be sunlight in my window ,wait , oh my eyes are wide open ,but my brain isn’t ,was it the drink I had yesterday night, yesterday ? What day is it today, no it was not yesterday, it was the day before, and does it really matter? What is that smell, it feels like a lily in a pond of litter, it is not supposed to be here, now where is the smell coming from? Why is my head spinning and why do I not recognize my own room? Questions lot more questions, I have to have that coffee, but aren’t my legs bound and my mouth gagged, where am I, was this question I was supposed to ask first?
It doesn’t feel good, it never does when one doesn’t wake up in the same bed he has slept, am I moving? Or is it that I am imagining this in my head , and what is this place, now the same smell again ,only I feel it a little more strong, is that thing coming closer to me , or is it just playing with me ?.I calm down take a deep breath, I feel like I am being pulled down a labyrinth with end nowhere in sight, it is a maze and I can’t get out, I gasp for breath , there is something behind me ,its growing by the minute ,I keep running , I am losing my strength , I know I am going to faint ,it doesn’t make any sense to me ,I should be in bed ,I am supposed to be sleeping, I can still remember the flight journey ,I can remember the sea beneath ,I can remember the landing ,but after that it goes blank ,I cannot remember who I am, I cannot understand why I am running and I cannot understand who is that behind me ,I smell it again the same smell , like a lily in the pond of litter ,a faint smell but I know she is here, I reach out for her, all I catch is thin air ,I cry out for her ,all I hear is my own voice. The thing chasing me is now on me, I look at it in the eye, I don’t understand what I see, it’s me a younger me, staring in to my face, the thing smiles, I shudder and faint , a hand I know very well shakes me up ,I open my eyes , there is light in the window, I know it is sunlight ,I have seen it before , I will see it again….

Retrospection

2009-08-24T01:25:00.001+05:30

It was one of the moments where you think you rule the world and all your aides are going to kiss your arse for the accomplishment you have achieved, it was one of such weak moments for me, but the moments that followed were perhaps the most enlightening, in retrospection though. That’s one bad thing about the current moment ,it is seldom correct when you start thinking about it a few years ,months ,days ,minutes or even seconds later, beware I am speaking of average men, not the ones that these Hollywood movie producers and Indian viewers are currently addicted to ,where else in the world will you get to watch GI JOE. It was one such moment and now when I think of it, it makes me shudder.
I had called up a long and very close friend of mine ,till that point very close to me ,to tell him about a new relationship I picked up in my life, spat came the answer, what does her father do ?,I answered ,within the next moment came the next question does she know who you are? The answer came out of my mouth in an instant, but in that one instant I lived a thousand lives, a thousand frames from the past 12 years scrolling on my mind like a faded out kaleidoscope .The moment ,ok , let’s call it a second ,like that guy in the American beauty says ,it’s not a second actually ,it is much longer than that, I saw a guy accompanying one of my then friends come home ,I don’t really remember why , may be because those days guys in my class though I was really smart , you know how the school system works in India ,and that too in rural ( oh they tell me now that it was a town ,not that it makes any difference though) areas ,I had this rank badge and may be that was why that guy who was then a boy , as I was, strode home to pay the “ big brain “ (later the guy who accompanied my other friend conferred this to some other guy in my class ,should I say our class) a courtesy visit ,which would later help him ( as I said retrospection after years when you are wiser than you were at that time ,brings a beast in you out, I still hate what I said about that boy ,yeah he is still a boy in my memory because he ceased to exist after that moment in my life, maybe it is true , maybe it is not ).Pay attention to the content in brackets , that last one at the least ,because they are the crucial part of this story ,because that’s where I lost my identity ,that’s where I ceased to exist ,now that I think of it ,this thinking beware has started only few months back ,so I am still a ,what was I then ,12 ,13 sorry I do not remember my age when I lost me ,in this concrete jungle ( oh ! I loved that word ,whenever I read a English novel ,especially the ones written for Booker prizes ,in truth I was only in a ghetto ( I know the meaning of that word now ) , divided by a matrix of sewage pipes and oh I forgot three common toilets for a woven family of 5 rented houses ,was it six , I hate it ,I keep forgetting the number of rented houses our land lord had, but I do precisely remember mine ( my father’s I wasn’t earning at that time and that was a wrong phrase to use forgive ,me ) was the first from the toilets .
Okay where was I ,yeah , I re-read the words I had typed before the parenthesis , I lost myself courtesy that visit, I was amazed at the boy who accompanied the friend of mine. He was from a bigger school and had a bigger view of world; he spoke of things I have never listened before. Red Fort, for me then was farther than moon because I could see moon and I could not see Red Fort, you get the picture of me don’t you. I loved Sachin Tendulkar and this guy did, I hated (Opinion has changed after retrospection today ,as I said I have nothing more to say on retrospection ,thanks for reading the parenthesis , I guess now you know I have put some important pieces of Gyaan in parenthesis , I once lost my first rank because I missed out a word in that ,thinking that parenthesis are useless ,well let someone say that to me …..) Sourav Gangly and every time he scored higher than Sachin I cursed everyone around, even the poor commentator who was just telling us what was going on in the match. I took an instant liking to him , he lived in a house which had a separate bathroom ,goddamit a separate bathroom ,( lot of apologies to my father ,he did what he could do with his income ),but I accept ,peeing in your own bathroom ,with no one knocking on the door ,as nature urges him, is one of the best things that can happen in your child hood ,it gets better even better when it is in open when the other guy can join you in it, imparting what could be the best of the knowledge someone imparts in to you ( after all who are you and me ,Archimedes had come running out a bathroom shouting Eureka ).
Okay, I am taking it on the poor reader of this piece of ….. With my so called hatred towards parenthesis, well how many more can you read? With one more promise added to those millions I have made to myself, there won’t be many more parenthesis in this piece (I leave it you what you think this piece is). Oh Sorry!! You know what it is for.
Back to the center plot, so I got engrossed with this guy so much that I took lot of interest in him ,the way he speaks ,the way he walks, sorry but this is my blog ,even the way he satisfied his natural urges ,It was sooner I became him and he became my soul’s boss ,though he would not know until he reads this. Then something horrible happened to me, I fell ill with Typhoid and had to take my eight h exams private, the next step to my higher degree which would not happen, not until 8 years later. Then my dad shifted my school, he really thought that the dungeon I was in did not fit my brains. For me it meant a lot, now that I think of it, it was the first turning point in my life, Where would I have learnt about debonair and swathi, even while munching away my books till the regional news played out on the TV (I swear, I have near heard that completely, I would fall asleep .believe me this promise is not like the one I made on parenthesis).
I and this guy who came home became the best buddies, we did everything together, not the peeing you see, he had a separate bathroom and I went to the common one. He treated me well and I devoured him ,for all he was ,I never used to think what others would think of me if I did this ,I will quote for an instance this small event, me and this guys with some other boys were playing cricket and a girl ( oh !! I had this weakness for girls, specially the cute ones) next door came to us and asked us if we could buy her a chart and cardboard for the next day’s science .I gladly accepted ,I had forgotten the basic rule there ,you do not help opponents win a war against you ,the most basic rule a sane man (boy ) would think ,I was her competitor ,much later in that evening ,I was admonished by the boy I had started to admire a long ago, he said girls get you do this stuff ,when you ogle at them , they catch you by your throat and strangle you to their advantage, well that was one lesion I never learnt ,even today let a girl ask me a favor I don’t hesitate, well I guess it came with that common bathroom thing of mine, I need to wash it off as soon as possible.
There was this advertisement in the TV which said “Pyar hua ikaraar hua ….” ,you get it now don’t you what ad it was ,but then in those days ,with doordarshan ,I did not have that door darshan,I asked my family and received a moratorium on TV ,they sanctioned me only programs which did not contain this ad , alas the government in their bid to stop us ( not me then ) multiplying inserted that ad in to the programs I was allowed to watch and there was nothing my family could do about it. I think it was then I reached my adolescence, I guessed it years later. My thirst for knowledge ,common I was a badge holder in the school before that made me put this question to the guy who I had admired and was now my friend , it was one of the best answers I received and I swear that I remember each word of it till day and if you are lucky enough to have a couple of drinks with me you will get to know , I would not put it on my blog though ,”as it is “ .some profound fundamentalist or self appointed moral police of our great country ( aptly described by Lays packet of chips ,that is if you had that packet in your hands courtesy some of your friend was rich enough to buy it , six ,seven I keep forgetting the number years ago ,India is one country which in thousand years has not invaded any other country ,what they don’t say is that in that time we were ruled by 6 other tribes ,where was the chance to invade others, like all of this piece ,sorry rather long piece ,it is a Gyaan imparted by retrospection) will flag my blog as adult material ,which is a serious sin for me to commit.
So coming back to focal point of the story (to those who have read my parenthesis story) , returning back to that one phone call from the foreign country I made (yeah I have been to a foreign land you sick .. ),I aspired to become him in my school days ,but life has strange ways and we parted after school ,I mean physically ,do I see a raised brow , reader ,well not in that sense ,but we went on different paths ,and what did I do ,I searched and found another person I wanted to be for two more years of my life, I found one and dreamed of becoming him ,then the scene shifted to the college and then here I found too many I wanted to become and I lost way. Lot of my friends had this person whom they used to mysteriously hide from others ,and we being we, were always inquisitive ,we had to find this person , then after a year I understood that this one person was called a Girl Friend and you ought to have one for people to discuss about you even when you are not there with them ,he took her there ,he took her here ,they both did this together ,you know they both weren’t in class together blah blah …
In these six years I created a tag for myself ,I had a imaginary girl friend ( to be true to the readers a nice girl in the same college who happened to be beautiful ,I swear the latter was only a second thougt,I would have taken any one for real) . The guy whom I had met 12 years back was still the fulcrum which my entire world revolved around. I got myself a job and then it was then I realized that I had become someone, I earned and I spent , it was that simple, still the only thing that worries me most is that I do not have a bathroom of my own, anyone can tell me how much it costs for owning a bathroom,I hate it when someone knocks on my door ,it is like a sore face sticking out from the mirror I look in to every morning ,it reminds me of the thing of past ,the matrix of sewages and my childishness where I was always trying to become someone else, even till past few months where I was always imagining myself in those better shoes , I don’t know what is the best Reebok or Nike or Adidas ,but I always wanted to move out of my Action shoes into one of those ,until after 12 years I realized that I had the best shoes then and now and who knows I will have the best in the future too.
Honesty is the best policy and when I evaded that root ,ignoring who I am and what was my present I always ended on a losing side ,until now I cursed the result and did not dare to look at the path I had taken, I was too frightened to take the road less travelled ,or I am said is less travelled ,to cut short I was afraid to take the path my Dad travelled and it has landed me here ,looking at my past and picking up pieces of my life , stitch it together and see it as one landscape ( with gaping holes that needle makes while stitching crudely ).I no longer imagine myself flying with Spiderman when I watch that movie ( I watch it every Sunday mind you ) ,nor do I put myself in the shoes of that guy who has his own bathroom. Today I fly free and within my boundaries ,for I always remember to hate my thought of wanting to be another person ,I have realized that how far ever you go that route ,the stinking traits of your own would be strewn along the path for you to pick up later on a retrospective evening , no one else will know ,even the guy whom you had wanted to become wouldn’t ,but you and you alone will surely know and when you know ,that would be the end of all that you wanted to be , and you would not enjoy a moment of it ,even if you had ten of your own bathrooms . You would yearn for that one knock on the door, which would never come, better late than never.
PS: If you read through this, the author would not mind to alleviate the pain that the reader’s soul has endured thorough the length and breadth of this piece, without making out much for himself, by apologizing for the language used here-in-with.the bathroom analogy however fits best to what the author meant to say, though he may or may not have succeeded, but he knows what he wrote. If you want to be like him torturing souls which wander aimlessly and are foolish enough to read this, for your Q & A contact him at sundar.moorthy@gmail .com. No threats are tolerated and will be duly reported to cyber crimes of Indian govt.

Why do you get angry ?

2009-08-05T02:32:00.002+05:30

This question popped up in my mind last night,so I rephrased this question and asked Why do i get angry ? , I thought about this for a while and then forgot ,but a couple of incidents in office today gave me my answer and that impetus to think about it ,Marlboro ( courtesy room mate ) helps as well, at least it does in my case.

1. I get angry when I am helpless in a situation.
2. I get angry when someone talks about my mistakes.
3. I get angry when i screw-up and i realize.

Hmmm... need to keep thinking ... this time i am serious of getting out anger from my system...

Books I have Completed This Week

2009-08-05T02:25:00.002+05:30

1. The Last Frontier:
The same crap about a British agent - Reynolds ..Seriously I should watch my falling standards.

2 . Five Point Someone:
Basically a re-read,The institute i secretly wanted to be in ,probably thats what makes me read this stuff,I would have been like that for sure ....

3. A time to die :
Wilbur smith ,seriously a comment on this not worth as well ,best seller my axxx

4. Three Mistakes of my life:
This was the third mistake of the week .......

5. Shantaram
The best among the lot this week (but i had started it a month ago

Se7en

2009-05-31T14:55:00.000+05:30

There was the dialogue in the movie Se7en which I watched yesterday. The dialogue goes thus
“Well I am positive, that I made the right decision but there is not a day that passes that I don’t wish that I made a different choice”
So the basic question that popped out in mind was that is it better to take a correct decision or take a decision that would let you have peace for rest of life? Well if the other decision would have given you peace, was it not the correct decision in first place.

Lost Soul

2009-05-12T09:56:00.000+05:30

I search my empty mind ,ask myself what it takes
what it takes to stand up to the world
I wander the deserted streets ,searching my soul
though it is something that's lost for ever

I ask a thousand questions ,shout a steaming curse
nothing ever is answered ,those stars so mute
I look for a pure smile ,all around my gloomy space
yet can't find one ,there are doubts in those faces

I lie down on the bed, thinking it would give me sleep
it promises me a zillion dreams, of days to come
yet I lie there eyes wide open, exorcizing ghosts of past
how many times have I fell, slain by the trusted knights

Oh I Loved it

2009-04-25T02:40:00.001+05:30

--Who is but the form following the function what and what I am is I am the man in the mask

--I am not questioning the powers of your observation, but I am merely remarking the paradox of asking the masked man who he is?

--Remember Remember the 5th of November

--The only thing that you and I have in common is Mr Creedy that we are both going to Die

--Beneath this mask there is more than flesh, beneath this mask there is an Idea Mr. Creedy and ideas are bullet proof.

--Oh please have mercy .Oh not tonight Bishop not tonight

--This country needs more than a building now, it needs hope

Gone

2009-04-12T11:28:00.001+05:30

I am not bothered about this dejection
but what I Cant handle is rejection

life has new ways to teach you
I would always prefer a hit on palm
than a rap on my knuckles

it hurts and hurts like hell
but when the doors close
Windows are the only option
What ever the show has to go on

words flow as tears down my cheek
dont worry l am too proud to cry in public

To Trust Is To Suffer?

2009-04-07T10:04:00.002+05:30

            Two protagonists in Shantaram discuss a thought, one a bandit who escaped from a prison and the other a lady involved in dark business of underworld ,” To trust is to suffer”. My idea of taking this in was a little sceptical, common what kind of world are we in, reading and thinking about words of people disowned by the laws of land, the land here is world, for the characters discussing this thought are one an Australian and other a German who found their safe haven in the womb of that very city called Bombay or Mumbai what-ever.
            I read this page on last Thursday while on a flight to Delhi , whoever said that I stopped there for a minute ,well can it be true ,if to trust is to suffer then the very basics of our human establishment is being challenged isn’t it. What kind of world it would have been without trust, I was beginning to think whether an investment of 495 on the book was a good option, anyway it had given me something to do on what would otherwise been a boring journey. Somehow the thought clung to me as a chewing gum to a slipper and resurfaced every now and then.
            Then something happened on that hot Sunday afternoon where I found that I had laid my eggs in the wrong nest, and that made me go back to the thought again, this time I left out the protagonists (for I think myself as a good Samaritan and putting myself in a bandit’s shoes was a non-thought) and focussed on the words alone. Without trust we would not exist ,while I say that I have given it a fair thought, come to think of this ,the second person you know in this world a relationship you start to develop when you come to senses for the very first time in this world the relationship called father is nothing but “Trust” isn’t it.
            Then another disturbing thought came to my mind ,we as a race are we destined to suffer one way or other, some for existence and some for a relationship to lean onto Yes ! To trust is to suffer isn’t it, it is that simple. All the philosophy of living in a civilized society hides in this one simple line, to trust is to suffer. I went back to a very fundamental relationship of life ,marriage ,for my convenience I took the Indian way of marriage for my analysis, is the branding during that marriage be it a necklace , or a ring or even the oath to God a way of telling to ourselves well we do not trust one another ,so we need a spectacle and thousand witnesses or is it set that way because as the civilization evolved the unwritten principles formed ,for we all ,we superior race strive to remove the suffering isn’t it and trust was taken away from the institution called marriage.
            I could not make my mind one way or other, my inner-self probably which was by influenced by the emotional state I am in was willing to agree and then other saner one was continuing to argue no it can’t be true, “pessimistic thought buddy” it was shouting. So with this conflict I turned on the pages hoping to find the answers in it annals in the early hours of Tuesday morning, there it was, one other plaintive character, a tourist guide in Mumbai speaking those words “Hunger for want of something is suffering- You do not want anything, you cannot suffer” .Hmm something to think about for tonight when I lie down on that dusty carpet.

BLOG ON THE GO

2009-04-05T13:31:00.001+05:30

lam writing this While on way to COCHIN from DELHI.from the day I hear d that Johnny depp was abt to do Shantaram,I could not Wait to get hands on the book,till Somedays the passion held and I forgot the book once i was baCK to 'yIndia.
Todaywhen I casually strolled out of office for my regular Cup of tea l found the DC book fair at the door step of Bhavani building,I Caught a glance at Wilbur Smith and my thoughts went back to the fateful evening Where I bought his book "a time to die " ,the book still pleads me to read and I want to put that down as quickly as i can,one page makes my Stomach churn and by the time I drag myself to the end of second page I am already sleeping.its a classic throw back to my College days when browsing through a Couple of pages of my "yellow pad " was enough to provide a drugged sleep of 18 hours.I simply Walked along this time happy to be a Coward.today was the day when my mind was on nothing and that actually ends up being quite heavy on my pocket.
the odds were Stacked against me on this day.I have got the Salary, moreover, I was looking at 16 hours of travel and mr smith has already terrified me to taKe him along with me.Strangely I was patient today ,the one trait that normally deserts me when I've got money in the pocket.So,I moved along and thats When greg caught my attention.Shantaram is Sitting neXt to me ,he Cant wait to Continue his Story ;got to go ,Seems to be a nIce guy so far

REGISTER

2009-04-05T09:28:00.001+05:30

My Bike story

2009-01-30T01:55:00.003+05:30

For years i wanted to purchase a bike , right from my college days.While i have to admit that i do not have the skill to weave through the traffic like they show in the movies or even the people i normally see on the roads, this wish grew with age.I was too afraid to ask for a bike for the reason that my Dad would never buy me one or probably for an internal realisation that it would be my another contribution in breaking my Dad's other wise comfortable finances.(True i am talking about a bike).I used to often pick up one of friends bikes and dash of to Tirupathi ,the near by town to my college ,those 16 kilometers stretch used to be mine,I vividly remember my foolishness when i tried to show of one of my stunts to a new crush of mine,but fell flat on my back (luckily the bike slipped and fell 4 feet away from me allowing me to pen this blog today).I had to shell my three months pocket money to get the bike back in to shape and had to miss the college tour.Those three months i never touched a bike again(though you would know that no one would have perhaps lent me a
bike).

Fast Forward Three Months

My friend was coming back to hostel after his vacation at home ,and he chose a day when the whole of the transport ( four-wheeled ones ) running on the road decided to take a break by crying foul on the Govt.I do not know how much he pondered before making that fateful call to the hostel asking me to come and pick him up at the station.Boy was i not happy that i had not gone on one of my crazy cricket matches or probably to that tent ( a small make-shift arrangement in a near by village which acted as a theatre) to watch kushi for the fourth time.I got his bike keys from his hideout ,sandwiched between his cot and mattress wrapped up in his old hand-kerchief (I swear if not for the bike i would have not touched it even if it was a kilogram of gold in it),zipped my way out to parking lot and drove to railway station.I made the 20 kilometers distance in about 40 minutes,that's how my second stint with the bike started.

Fast Forward Final year

The year i came out from my hostel hide-out and ventured in to the town to set-up a bachelor house hold,I had started dreams of a second hand bike (we used to get them at around 7k ).Every day i would say to myself there comes my pocket money and if i save three months i can get to that ( of course i had to sell at least one part of computer) with my friends help (this guy happened to be a bike fanatic as well).These three months used to pass away like the initial phase of the project and every time the deadline came we pushed the delivery further,three such iterations and i was not required to go to college anymore and I started my south-tamilnadu exploration ( travelling and visiting places is one of my many other ambitions).The bike dreams were still haunting me every night ,only difference was that now the bikes i was setting sight on were new and racy.

Infy First Year

I had some how with God's grace made to Infy three months before and now had a handsome saving of 4k after the initial burst of happiness where I spent Every pie i earned in a koramangala coffee house ,just to look at the girls who happened to be there round the clock (later learnt that ,investment comes from the party who sits beside,I now understand the looks those guys used to give us,Sheer desperate thoughts of ROI's i guess) .It was here i noticed this bike called Pulsar with disc brakes ,two tyres and a handle and what not,more-over the advertisement definitely male was so attractive ( I only learnt later that many of those who rode it have become clearly doubtful of their gender).My dreams for the second hand bike now was replaced with the 'definitely male' version ,only the situation did not change,the 7k had become 55k and 1000 rs pocket money which i got by never doing anything also did not come by.Meanwhile i got transferred to Hyderabad and in no time to Trivandrum.

Infy Fifth Year

Back from UK with enough money in pockets ,I have this time decided to buy that elusive bike ,only to find that i am no more interested in having a bike for the fun of that ride on road,but I need it more as a transport means to office,even that dream is fast draining down the ever moving chain of my thoughts,The sheer thought of driving along with the KSRTC buses makes even a grand prix look a more better version of trying to kill myself .But everyday the inner self gets a calm assurance that it is not only me who has the passion but not the skill to drive ,but every other guy on the road is same,probably i did a favour to someone a son,father,brother,lover by not satisfying ( you never know probably i did a favour to my family) my dream of buying that bike when i was less judicious and would have done the same by chasing things ( i don't know one version of vehicle that follows a normal basic common sense) on road as does the dog which chases a car for no reason.

Foot Note: The author is currently doing a test ride on " The definitely Make Thing" second hand though and is out of his mind.

Inspirations : Foot note idea stolen from TEDKA ,while the contemplation on what could have been otherwise was inspired by "The United Kerala Vehicle Driving (Killer) association"

The Returning - Part1

2008-07-08T12:44:00.002+05:30

He was walking along the Besant nagar beach. The trip to Astalakshmi temple this time did not calm his nerves as it did for past years. He sat there on the sandy beach, looking at the setting sun, it was here it all started six years ago, he had just joined his friends after a day long work, that was when he saw her, at first she was only a outline against the setting sun, slowly when the figure emerged he saw her, she was as simple as any other girl or was it that smile which first captured her imagination. That was just that as his attention went back to the hand cart “Mobile murugan idly”. He came back to the present, with the words”What the same dream again” .He took the ice-cream from her hand and returned back to gazing the sea as she sat beside him.

Six years have passed by, he had returned to Chennai, from US to visit his father or was he talked in to this by mini, He wondered how the relationship is going to patch up. How strange it is going to be to face his family which kicked him out or is it that he dumped them. He had not contacted them after that ill-fated fight with his dad when he had called his father to share the news of the Krystal’s birth. As if reading his thoughts mini held his hand and patted him, it was her method of re-assuring him that what ever he was doing she was with him. He sighed and they started to walk towards Murugan idly shop, the old hand cart was now in shambles, probably the boy who drove it has now joined the shop.

*********************************

It was a rainy day when he saw her again, as he was rushing to the near by theatre,He stood there for a min ,she looked special this time ,was it the skirt she was wearing or the dimple when she was smiling, there was lightning and then with the thunder came the voice of Ram, “if you do not make it to theatre in time I am going to kill you” it was his favorite heroine’s first Tamil movie (she was a superstar in Malayalam by then).Ram was waiting with wet tickets in his hand and they handed it over to the gatekeeper who seriously tore them and sent them in. For him the movie was nothing new except that the heroine’s image kept changing from Meera to the girl in the rain. Attributing this to the lack of nicotine in the system, he moved out for a smoke. It was then he saw her while entering the movie, but was it a guy there with her? There was a panic or what was it? Why should it matter it him, he went back to the seat but still could not help himself from checking out their proximity every now and then.

********************************

He woke up next morning, it was a 2 hour ride to his village from there, the road was severely damaged by recent rains, he was still not sure if his family would embrace him again, the place had not changed much but for the rust on the gate, the old tractor which he liked so much was no where to be seen, as was the Rammaiah the watchmen, the gate made a strange noise and seem to protest his entry as it resisted his attempt to open. He glanced at mini and entered the house; he could now see the cattle shed, his smoking haven.
TO Be Continued.......

A Hand at Photography

2007-12-24T18:46:00.001+05:30

The wood cutter

2007-12-16T17:33:00.000+05:30

It was 6 in the morning but then it was not bright, winter had fallen and the sun had just refused to rise, preferring to be under the warm cloud blanket. She sat there looking towards east for the sun to rise. She then slowly stood up, the wound in her leg was bleeding, she limped to the nearest cupboard, and it was as empty as any other in the house. She sighed and moved to the backyard and pulled some leaves from a plant chewed them and bandaged the wound with the residue. She sat there thinking about the previous evening.
She had gone as usual to the fields where she toiled to make ends meet for the family, it was then she saw him ,he was tall and handsome, beads of sweat on his body were shimmering as he cut wood to make fence for the field. She had not seen him in those lands before, she kept gazing on him when a splinter of wood flew and cut through her frail leg. The next thing she knew was that blood was gushing out and she fainted, she always fainted when she saw blood, perhaps it was because she had seen too much blood for liking or she had nothing at all in her body.
The handsome man was carrying her in his arms to the shade of the tree; she saw his face when the blazing sun allowed her to open eyes in his shade, it was like nothing she felt before, she felt like floating in air, she ignored the pain crawling up her body and kept looking at the well built person, he was asking her something but in her state she was completely lost and madly in awe of him. He sat with her for few minutes on the bank of the river by the field and then left to cut wood again. She sat there and watched him all over till fatigue forced her in to sleep.
It was in the evening and she hadn’t quite realized that she had not set foot in the field again, suddenly the huger stricken faces of her young sisters looked back at her from the oblivion, she looked in the direction where the stranger was set cutting wood, the wood cutter was not to be seen anywhere, but the pain was real and the hunger was more. She did not know when again she would see him ,but that did not matter now ,she slowly limped off towards her hut in the distance to face yet another hunger stricken night …………..

The Departure

2007-12-16T02:51:00.000+05:30

He could not have asked for more, when he took her hand in his. He knew it that moment; tears were rolling down her cheeks. He wanted to put a hand round her shoulder hug her and tell her to stop crying. He had done that a million times before, but this day was different.
He walked her on the narrow road, more to hold his tears back than to console her, this girl was special for him, he simply did not know why but he felt it. The time of departure was nearing and she sat there in the lounge leaning her head on his shoulder, neither of them spoke, they let the moment to pass away calmly hoping that the next would ease their nerves.
He did not know how much she loved him nor did she, the final moment of departure came and when he dragged his unwilling legs towards the entrance,a unknown force was pulling him towards her, she stood there teary eyed asking him to go away, not to stay for a minute more, for she could not hold the tears back.He moved in to the airport while every living cell in his body screaming to him to rush to her.

Just a Story

2007-11-20T14:16:00.000+05:30

A bonny dog lifted its skinny head at the rumble of the gate and drooled away as if that one movement took away all the energy it had and it lay curled where it was. The stranger entered the deserted lawn which had by now turned a golden yellow resulted from the years under the beating sun. He was a traveller from distant land, going to places where his dark horse took him, he had a crooked nose, his lower jaw was set at an awkward angle, he had picked it up years ago while saving a rich man The man had died only a month ago. He lifted his hat and looked around at the gate, how long was it he had played around the lawns chasing around his sister, how old was she when she died, tiny drops of tears shone in the bright sunlight and rolled down on his sunburnt skin. He adjusted his glasses and knocked at the door.

A man in mid forties dragged his legs and opened the door, the room was in shambles it had not changed much from the day he had left, The wall had developed more cracks, a old photo frame hung on the wall supported by a thin thread, for a moment he thought that the eyes of bony cheeked girl in the frame was looking at him, he felt a chill go through his bones even under the mid summer sun. The man was now cursing, obviously at the lack of his answer; the voice was still familiar it had not lost a bit of its sheen, in all those years of hardship. He coughed a little and asked if he can come in. At a nod of the man the stranger walked in, he saw an old woman shouting at someone he could not see. He wanted to run to them hold them and tell them he had come back, but the little girl’s eyes came back to him she was staring at him as if looking through him. He wanted to make sure the old couple had not forgotten their son; they had forgiven his crime as a kid. He wanted to surprise them in the morning, tell them that the worries were over.

He opened the bag of gold coins and tossed few coins at the man who had opened the door, and asked if he could get shelter for that night and some water for his thirsty horse tied outside. The old couple were so poor that they couldn’t refuse the offer. He laid there on the cot his mind twirling back.

****** ***************** ****************** ***************

He was twelve years old and the girl was a year elder, they had just had a heated argument and the boy was very angry with her, she was repeatedly making fun of his jaw, there were kids all around him laughing at him. In his anger he pelted stones at the boys and started hitting the girl, she ran and he chased her; he stopped panting, his thin frame would not carry him further, the girl who was strongly built for her thirteen years stood there and continued her fun at him. The boy held his breath, tears started to roll down his cheeks, he was furious with himself, he was furious with himself. In a fit of anger he rushed at the girl at once and pushed her, for a moment the world stood still ,in his anger and in her happy mood both the kids hadn’t noticed the well. With a loud shriek the girl fell in to the well. The world had turned upside down for the boy, he stood there for a moment and then realising what he had done, he had killed his sister, he could not go home, he feared the whip, and he feared the man who would hold it, his father. That was the moment he had made the decision, he had to run and he ran. In his fear he didn’t hear a loud splash behind

He woke up with a shudder, blood trickling down his neck, he could see three figures lurching on top of him and everything went blank after a moment.

*********** ******************* **************** **************

The man had just recovered from the fall from the branch where he was cutting wood , he had lost his balance, he remembered what made him lose his balance ,he did not waste a minute ,he ran in the direction from where the voice came, he could now hear it more clearly ,he then found the well and realised what the voice was, he jumped in saved the girl, it was only after he got her on to the bank he recognized her ,it was his daughter, he thanked the God for his good fortune.
The day turned in to dusk, the lady was worried, her husband was never late to come home and this day he had taken his kids with him and then she saw the light of the lantern at the distance, she muttered loud and went in to the house to get the dinner ready. Once the husband arrived she learnt what had happened, they waited the whole night and then the day after but the boy never returned and the girl could not recollect what had happened, they thought he was dead.

The village was hit by a severe drought ,food became hard to come by ,people travelled as far as a hundred kilometres to get some work and buy food, years started to roll by. Then one day a stranger knocked at their door. He opened a bag of gold and tossed a few coins at him asking for some food they looked at the bag of gold he was carrying with him. He called the stranger in and fed him.

They hated to do this, the stranger reminded him of his long lost son, but then wasn’t he dead, he had to feed his family, he had to survive the famine, it was then he decided that the stranger should die, he then entered the room the stranger was sleeping with his back facing the old man, with one swift motion the old man and his family plunged their knifes in his back. They buried the stranger, in the light of the moon with the hat gone from his face, the old man saw the crooked nose, No ! he thought this could not be his son, how could he be ; wasn’t he dead, a small breeze came through the broken window pane ,there near the bag of treasure lay a crumpled, time bitten photograph of the family, a boy with crooked nose was looking at the family with an innocent laughter.

***************************************************** *********************

Leeds Trip

2007-11-14T18:15:00.000+05:30

So what is the difference between me and other tourists, well when all the others are out and touring in a beautiful English summer ,I sat out in my dungeon where I would always wonder where had the Saturday gone for all that I remembered during the English summer was what comes after Friday night is Sunday morning. So now back to the difference, last week end when cold winds were trying to chew of what ever flesh I had put on to my cheeks, we set out for a trip to Leeds castle.
The plan was to drive to the castle and come back by the evening, so what did we do we woke up on a morning that was entirely alien for us for months together, oh Saturday is a beautiful day, after our regular activities we started round 10:30 on our way, with ATLAS in hand and a driver who was on the trip only for one sake that is to be behind the steering wheel.

The map was pretty clear but the mind of the navigator was simply on the other end, we got on to the wrong side of the highway and the roads we took were all extraordinarily beautiful except for the fact that they would not lead us to the destination we set out, but who did really care, with the fuel tank full and windows tightly shut, flying at 70 miles per hour was always a good feeling. Finally after few lucky calculations we a hit the highway A12 towards Leeds ,but this was just not the day for me ,with a very weak direction sense ,I am sure I would have not identified west by looking at the setting sun ,We missed every exit we had to take went in search of the round-abouts,finally it was time I relinquished the seat to Vijesh and what did he do, every five minutes he wanted out driver Vivek to take a U-turn and get back to the other side of the road. Between all there was one soul (Shijo) which was not disturbed by all this hallah-bullah, He was in his own world gulping juice and asking for inns. After missing three exits we got out at a service station and took in to a pizza centre as usual we are out to take photos only to be questioned by a location officer, why did you want to take pictures here? Hmm that was an interesting question but the answer I had would have made him faint, what we take photos for…….We set out after accepting hi apologies for questioning us we set out on the hunt of correct way again.

Finally we got to reach M20 and it was back to me to take up navigator and we reached the Castle at around 4:00PM.It was an achievement in itself ,we felt elated hugged each other; we had finally done the 90 mile distance in about 190 miles and got down the vehicle to be greeted by a

LEEDS CASTLE AND GROUNDS CLOSED
OCT31 – MARCH 31
OPENING TIMES 10 AM to 3 PM

Perfect ending to a fitting journey, but then there is always a camera and we had a photo shoot with out car and got back behind the steering wheel, and back on way to room. We stopped for a dinner in a mallu restaurant at Colchester. The day had not been kind on us; it did not matter to us that the city did not have any boards posted showing where we are where we were heading to, for we were already blind and groping in dark or light was not actually going to make a damn difference. All said by the time we reached home it was with a great sense of satisfaction and pleasure we had done it at last; we at least went out together and that was a dream since my landing in UK.

I am still looking for the speed tickets we would get by the today.

what am i saying here

2007-10-08T02:31:00.000+05:30

When an eye to eye interaction is helpful to convey most of the things .A nicely composed, true from heart writing on paper would not be able to communicate what was actually meant. When rather wide audience are present ,the author needs to be capable of vending his feelings on the paper rather tactfully and with a fore-sight in to future and be sure to his knowledge of what he meant is conveyed, with out that may be the effort of writing is not worth it.
A man and his feelings are papyrus and what we write on the paper is vinegar, I always felt that there should be that thin shield between the two which would appreciate the combination by making the inner soul wrapped in much secure bonding
, while a volatile bonding means an unwanted combination of both leaving the soul bare to the, unforgiving world.
When a eye contact and a straight speech is enough then why to bare your soul on a medium which potentially holds the door to disaster more in a case where the author is a product of his own doubts? Million dollar question? I pondered over this question for a while and got a zillion answers, again none would stand against the force of spears that would break through the shields of Spartan shields. Well I have been a scrambler for three years now, I am trying to fine that thin line that would shield the papyrus of my audience, and I have to mention who are quite a handful and close at heart.
I have come across quite a few articles which passed me like a gentle breeze but nonetheless it was hurricane for some others. So now that puts me in an other interesting situation is it that I have to cater to those papyri those can take my vinegar (well with a resigned thought that vinegar is not good for papyrus).Well how will it be when a dear to heart community or person is offended by the venom you instigate through the nib or rather the keyboard.
Like many of the question which stem in mind this too has no definite answer, so is it like what that cricketer captain says...”When a move pulls off ,u look a genius and the same back-fires you look stupid”. Well all said I am still writing, perhaps I do not care about the papyri or I think this is the way I an reach a papyri that would like my shielded vinegar. Early days for me to answer the question, well the hope for me is at least there is light at the end of tunnel, that the scrambling does make a bit of rumble and the innocent looking white paper does become a painted wall, Sistine chapel’s or a public bathroom’s wall ,glory or doom, well that is for the papyri to decide.
But it will hurt when the papyrus is a death scroll or a treasure map, but then that is the way it is…..Long time due ,but the weight of failure weighs on the neck as a sword well what a dilemma for a novice what a dilemma….

My Poem has no name

2007-10-06T03:48:00.000+05:30

Twilight gives away to night
My body resting on a cosy couch

Mind swirling back in time
In what people call a dream

There i was Curling in warmth
Away from the cold world
in the womb of a lady

Shearing pain ,blinding night
there i was,in to what they call world

Strange voices,some flashes
Shadow moving happily,later i call him dad

A thunder in the distant sky
I see my self in a desert ,my sleep's gone

I look across the bed
There i am away from the warmth
Frail body like a dry leaf

Familiar voice ,i feel cold
Silence prevails,some shapes
desperate,they call me Dad

I move in to a darkness
Calmness takes me in to its womb
I feel the warmth again yet again after so many years.....

Long Ago.....

2007-10-06T03:30:00.000+05:30

Long ago I sang a song of love in to air
For some poet said that it would reach my lady's heart

Long ago i wrote a poem of love
For someone had said that it impresses yurr sweetheart

Long ago i danced to to exhaustion
For somewher it was written feelign should be given a vent

All the while i forgot to tell people my feelings
For i had not come across a song or word to do so

Now for a short-while at my death bed
I feel heaven waiting for me with its door open

For someone had just told me how they loved me......

--Sundar M R

Oh Dear Lady

2007-10-06T03:26:00.000+05:30

Sparks of bright light
Lights my soul

Lies on the couch
My body sans soul

Thoughts take wings
as legs go numb

Dry goes my throat
Wet gets my eyes

You come in my dreams
Arresting my thoughts

You are in my breathe Lady
You are in my soul

Gardener Roses and the Nightangles

2007-10-06T03:21:00.000+05:30

In the garden of his life
Once he thought that he was the master

He could grow his roses ,some red and some white
He could cut his weeds black and blue

Times passed by with no change coming
Then came some nightangles to his groove

Slowly began the adjustments,roses began to dry
Listening to the nightangles he left them to their fate

He knew he was getting it all wrong
He knew one day they would fly leaving him alone

Yet the tunes were so sweet ,he couldn't do more
One day they left him,his heart as dry as his roses

Stars of Confidence

2007-10-06T03:17:00.000+05:30

Through a carven window pane
On a lovely frozen country lane

Looks a boy crippled in limb
Shunned frm world thoughts so numb

Sprinkled are bright stars so white
On the dark canvas of the night

Shringking was the moon
The other night promising to be bright

Bringing ripples of thoughts
Shone those gallant stars

Better was he from those
So inconsistent as the moon

T glow was his destiny
Even blessed less......

There Lies a Man Dead

2007-10-06T03:13:00.000+05:30

There Lies a man Dead
Body as cold as his mind

Alive was he till a moment
Life moving out like a snake from its hide

In his journey from silence to silence
I wonder if he reached his destiny

World would have been colourful
to those eyes of his now pale

He goes now to the almight
His soul covered in whites

Waiting For the Dawn

2007-10-06T03:04:00.000+05:30

At dawn with the rise of sun
will come a charm to our lives
activating everyone's spines

Birds start to chirp
Chasing dreams go people

Puddling the ponds play children
Buzz goes the world wild

Biting the time of the day sits a destitute
prowling the street,eyes in constant search

Cool comes the moon,with it brings bliss
Calm goes the world to much of his amaze

Busy become the owl patrolling the groves
out comes the crickets playing their tunes

Still there he lies ,blind to the beauty of day's course
Dawn or dusk ,doesn't matter when his hunger is at hike

Pavement as home,spends he his life
Waits for his dawn,for the sun ....
Will it bring his food...

Written 21/1/03

Agression .... Naaaa Nicety..Naaa

2007-10-06T01:46:00.000+05:30

So I decided enough of being nice,let us get aggressive.Enough of being timid in the mask of nicety ,enough of thousand other things i always thought i was ,today was the day,now was the moment when people have to run for cover.Well the time has come all the things that fizzed past me now have to stop,all the people who do not have time to have a glance at me should stop on their heels.
I woke up in the morning with that thought in mind,determined to show this new found aggression,brushed my teeth,had my coffee,moving to GYM ,to my frustration nothing has happened as of yet,no one is crossing my path.The same old story "Kalle kanda naaye kaanam ,naye kanada kalle kaanam" - Meaning when u find a stone you wont find a dog and when u find that dog you wont find that stone,my situation is nothing better,OK i thought let me move on to work ,there would be more than one occasion to show my aggression.Alas as my luck would have it,it was leave at the offshore,i came running home there was this highlights of the match,India vs Aus ,i knew India lost,but i wanted to see how......
There was our Sreesanth ,my inspiration for aggression.At the end of the high lights session i saw how aggression helps ,or rather wanting to be aggressive without intent ..... helps......,good that my manager was not around today in office ....,...., Nice is better....Lesson learnt what next ....common buddy "Night is Young and lot of bottles in the cupboard"

I Shook Hands with Sachin

2007-07-22T02:32:00.000+05:30

14th July, the day on which one of my perennial dreams got accomplished. It happened on a bright sunny evening outside the Chelmsford cricket ground, After scoring a majestic 171 runs and having batted the whole day to bail India out of trouble after a much known top order collapse, the man, the phoenix, “Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar” had the patience to oblige us and sign autographs and shake hands with me, yet another hand and yet an other fan for him, but for me it ended a 15 year wait.
Unfortunately though I could not get his autograph ,but for time being this would do his smiling thank you for all the best I said(though there were tens of other people behind and sides of me I would consider that he said it to me exclusively J) .
I and my friend Mahesh share one common thread about sachin, when ever we are desperate to see a match and expect the boss to do good he fails (by our expectations).I had previously gone to a match in Cochin where he scored 4 and Mahesh had gone to Hyderabad where he Sachin departed before Mahesh entered the ground, but here I win over him, I saw the little master bat for about 5 hrs and what more I got to shake hands with him.

The morning was a lazy as any Saturday morning; we had a late Friday night after I had come back from my certification exam. We reached the ground at 12:50 when the players were going to lunch. The scoreboard read 62/3 and like always I asked is Sachin still there and this time it was a yes. The lunch was not good at the ground, but what followed was a feast, the straight drives the cover drives the square drives, names the shot he played them all. The six he hit of the off-spinner landed just inches from where I stood, the little punch in air after that century showed how much he wanted that one.
What else can I ask for now that I have seen the master himself live, I will probably now watch a one day match of his some time in Manchester or oval. I will have to admit one thing here; there has not been a single occasion in these 15 years where my heart beats twice its normal rate, whenever sachem is at the crease facing some XYZ not that he will fail but what if it was this ball he is going to get out.

Century of centuries beckoning you little master push along, we are with you.

The temples of Southern India -Churche of western Europe

2007-07-12T04:43:00.000+05:30

I was born in a small village in tamilnadu in india,the city of temples ,the land of cholas and pallavas.Almost in every village,town and city you find a soaring structure well walled with rock structures ,Gopurams as we call them in tamil,Each temple will carry a distinctive history to itself ,The Temple of Tanjore the lone granite stone temple with the biggest linga rupam as you can get,the vast temple of meenakshi madurai ,to the 1000 pillars temple in chidambaram to the water of nine wells in Rameshwaram they are all architectural marvels,just mind blowing structures built in ages where a chisel and hammer was all what was at man's disposal.
Many of those sights are now deemed as archealogical tresures and major tourist destinations and provide with such income the govt as well but slolwy fading away is the majesty of such creations and their history,What grandfather knew about the temples and their history is not even half known to me,then with this hectic life and western domination i am afraid the next generation will be completely oblivion to the history of these temples and their importance.

There are thousands of channels in India showing us all unnecessary prime time programs like Kyon ki Saas... Selvi.... Pelli chesukundam soaps which are not helping or aiding any cause ,if a channel like national gegraphic which does not in anyway related to indianess are keen on these tetmple histories why not we .......Slowly but surerly Indian culture / hinduism is losing its charm with lazy interpretations ,i do not remember an major renovations happening any where

On the other hand,with coffer full of money and an eye on the heritage the christian community,should i say eurpean community has a strong feature going on where they protect these old chruches of theirs as a heritage ,can say national heritage,what all i see back home is a policeman / gaurd holding a stick and sacring the living hell out of the people who come as close squareleg umpire to a batsman to the statues,here there are no such scenes,but still people are much more knowledgeable,they do not unnecessarily damage / cause any irritation to the public behind,the major reason behind this behaviour as i see it is not the basic naure of the people,i firmly believe that people are the same every where it is they way they grow up determines their behaviour,it is the senitization evoked by governments ,religious organizations ,studies that has led to this behaviour,also to an extent the richeness and lack of population.

With a better organized plan Indian / Tamilnadu can make its temples a steady source of income and pool of knowledge from which the future generation can drink heritage and culture of the ancient times.Also people can be sensitized with better educating them about the imporatance of these structures,hoping that these things in place would help the secodn generation from now to have a look at these gothic archtectural marvels standing for real instead of the photos by their predecessors

What am I

2007-07-12T04:40:00.000+05:30

What am I ? is the question I ask my self every morning , another person on this damned planet who wants to sit there and do what he is asked to do always wondering why in the world it is happening to him alone.Whose life am I making better, by sitting around in the office cramming my head to that lifeless intelligent machine I am still trying to comprehend. It makes me dizzy when I just see the requirements; the first requirement violates the basic existence of the second and it chains from there until it screws your life .You know it ,yet you and your boss sit out in a room and brainstorm.Now –a-days I have stopped speaking English, all I have in my vocabulary is MOM, ASAP, EOM, CDM…. How great it could have been, if agile (or is it ajile...) methodology can be applied to our life as easily as the client does it to the project.I could have went around as i liked.
Saddam could not have hated Bush more than I hate my client and every client call is a perfect example, it defies Newton’s logic. Whenever my boss says “in agile- rework is not a problem”. It almost makes me cry; what am I doing, trying to make something so that I can do the same work again and again just wondering when this cycle will end.The biggest joke of corporate life for me is the concept of “Work-life-balance “Which probably means managing life between work ! I always go mad after every such session my boss sends me to. The usual conversation(according to him..) that follows is “I now think you have learnt something from the session .I do not want you to work that late hours .Ok now have a look at this document and make the design by COB(You never know when is it for the day) it is very urgent”.
Then there is something that makes me shiver, the profiles of my breed of people almost 75% of them are bald, 50% of them have a tummy that makes them look like if they were the very reason for famines in Somalia. Week –ends is an different thing altogether (when you have one) .Get up from bed when it is already night for rest of the world , eat and then sleep as if you have turned the world topsy-turvy during the week.What am I? , is the question I can probably never answer when an old college friend of mine meets me.(hoping that he is not saying this to himself)Singing offWhat am I,? I am a Software Engineer., and With role change (it never shows on sal-slip)comes Great Responsibility I can never marry jane.........Now responsibilities just triggers another thought .Got to get back to work, with "role code" change (I do not understand…..should I say responsibility change) I have many more Nights of fruitless toil on my hand…………

2007-07-07T07:17:00.000+05:30

So what is it that i want , this is a eternal question for which i have never found an answer.Getting in to a job i thought i have got in a high speed lane where i never have to as much brake my car ,just ripping through the life would take me to the destination,but the lane turned out to be a mud road,too many stops and too many turns.
Intial thought during college days was money,now that i have go my own pockets full and probably yes a little of my coffers as well and potentially looking set in a way where it is going to bring me more,the question is what next? The drive that was there initially is not there anymore,now i want some other thing what is it?
Ok the other thought was that i needed to go around to look new places,yeah now i am going places,but then the places are just too many ,the desire is becoming leaner and meaner by the day.Foreign country was a dream and now going back home is a great desire.Wanted to buy a thing which i can lay my hands upon now i can buy (atleast in my own capability maturity model),but i hardly lay hands upon any thing.
Thought that this is because i am not doing anything gr8 so sat about to write a piece of code as if the exercise is going to change the entire nations course in an angle from where we at present cannot even view with our heads down the pants,though half way when i realized that yeah indeed the whole exercise is going to cost me a time of 20 movies ,i thought that is the one probably.
Half way through the movie,I found that is was the hero had a cute chik who was not even in my near viscinity,so from that day ...........

Beware girls now i know what i want ...

My Europe Trip Photos

2007-06-11T21:44:00.001+05:30

I always wanted to ask her...

2006-11-15T20:01:00.000+05:30

In the downpour of spring by the bus stop I stood waiting, waiting for her to come, those were the one of the most anxious moments of my life .One bus came and the other left the stand, this chain of events continued till I had emptied umpteen coffees and lot more samosas, I saw her there she was walking in the distance towards the very stand I was waiting.
The nearer she came, the louder became my heart beats .I waited there taking her in my full view till she passed me with out noticing and stood beside to board a bus. If she was beautiful then what was gorgeous? She was pulling her hair in to a tight knot and drying it at the same time. All of the sudden she did what she always did with out a notice, she looked at me and smiled.Oh God! What was I to do smile back, say hello, ask her the question I always wanted to ask, the same thoughts ran in a cyclic order as they have done every day for 4 years before that day.

If there was an angel on earth, for me it could have been none other than her. Every move of her was so gracious and beautiful I wanted to stand there and admire .But the bus drivers do not have a romantic sense and it is during only these beautiful moments of my other wise boring life ,they arrive at correct time as if the existence of entire world depends on his running the bus on schedule.

So as my routine goes I would let her board the bus and then take the seat in her back row so that I can see her for another 2 hours till we reached our destination. This way it continued for 2 more years until my college finished. I hated my self, I hated the world, I hated the sky and what not, and I hated the bus driver who by now had learnt some romanticism.

Two and half years have passed by and four months back when I went to my college and stood under that bus shelter, I could see me in my juniors now doing what I was doing five years prior, suddenly I had this nostalgia creeping all over me and what ever ground I had gained in these two years seemed to be lost. I had this feeling if I could see her again I would ask her certainly. This was not a movie and that was not to be….

Then I saw the bus 7543 my greatest enemy till this day and boarded it to get home. When I got in to it and took my seat, I couldn’t believe what I really saw.Yeah I saw her, she was there, we struck a conversation for the rest of our journey she was remembering how I used to stare at her without speaking a word

Then I accompanied her to the house. I was getting desperate this was the perfect opportunity that I had been deprived of these many years ,then in her balcony when we were all to ourselves I asked her the question the one question I wanted an answer and I made up all my courage and asked her ..

“MELODY ITNA CHOCLATYYYY KYON HAIN “

I, Myself and Trivandrum

2006-11-03T14:01:00.000+05:30

Yeah the title is some what copied but not the content. This has been quite long coming from my side. What Trivandrum has done to me no body will ever understand. Though I often first in saying that this place has no life, I had none so quiet before .In some ways it robbed me of other explorations I could have made ,if I weren’t here. True this place does not have enough to feed the interest of a city dweller but I was never one. True this place poses lots of problems but which place does not.
On the valentines day of 2005 I was made to fall in love with Trivandrum. I packed my bags and boarded Sabari express that headed to Trivandrum with an expectancy that would have easily eluded a to-be-father’s about the gender of his breed. The clerk at office had nailed me by getting me a sleeper class compartment I swear it was my first 32hours straight journey and was not aware of the problems the journey would pose.

Incident one:

The morning of 15 Feb. saw us enter the “God’s OWN COUNTRY”. Some of my other lucky colleagues had got a three tier A/C booking and I along with one other friend Vijay joined them for a breakfast hoping for the TC to arrive to get an extra fare ticket to TVM. The TC did arrive after an hour but to my astonishment asked to have a private conversation with me. There in the corridor we had an argument where the TC started accusing that we had intentionally stayed in the compartment and were cheating on the railway department. Being used to the attention and respect the organization name generates ,I showed him the company stamp on the ticket and explained him that we had come over for break –fast and the other people in the compartment were our colleagues. The next question hit me as hard as a gunshot ,the moron had never heard about the company name(or was I a moron).He then proceeded and asked me to tell the names of the 20 odd people traveling with me and prove that they were my colleagues, I could have done that but the problem was now I was “myself” and shot came the answer asking him whether he knew the names of people working in southern railways and if he cannot give me the names how could I believe he was an TC.The result was that it took 3000 rupees and a great deal of persuasion to keep him from hitting me or throwing me in to jail.

The fine left us high and dry and we entered Trivandrum with about 500 rupees in my bank account and an entire month before a positive hope of enriching my account.
It was about 7:30 in the evening when we reached our designated hotel and wondered whether if it was a bundh day we had come on, the shops has closed down their iron curtains and people had gone to sleep. It was not until five more days in the place we came down from our utopia to the normal world and it started to hurt bad ,and really bad. Finally by the end of the week we had gotten ourselves a room to stay.
We were sitting on bench in Hyderabad nibbling at our nails for two months till that period and the promise of some work seemed like a oasis in the desert I was in then. but it was not to happen, the pipeline in which projects were in for this place seemed to be quite a long one and we were to do the same thing as we did in Hyderabad if not more furiously this time. Those were days when the chime of six on clock for us was somehow like a death bell. A long walk towards kazhakuttam would follow. The road connecting office to room was a national highway devoid of any street light or is it a highway light and stories about robberies were always in air. Every day was an adventure and hunt for food was something like a hunt for Robinhood.With absolutely nothing to do at office and home life was becoming a virtual hell adding to these vows were policemen who would often get down to have a lecture about Kerala’s culture and how we were spoiling it.
We were forbidden warriors fighting a losing battle and in a desperate condition and this made us the group of 10 people a close knit unit. We started going around Trivandrum quite frequently .It was during one of these tours we landed in a place called Padmanabhapuram Palace

To be continued ……….

Mera Dil kaa Traffic Phir Se Rukh Gayaa Maamu

2006-10-18T11:36:00.000+05:30

          When was the last time, my heart skipped a beat when I saw a girl. Well I do not remember I had far too many a crush. But when was it I felt that I wanted to see her face again and again be it night or day. I cannot recollect
          My latest crush happened 2 months ago. I saw this girl, her name was Sarah Jane. For me present crush is always better than the past (not that I have any active relationships), this case was again no exception. She was as usual the most beautiful girl in this world and then I could not sleep for days. When ever she was around no other guy in the room could sit with me to watch TV. Wondering why they could not watch TV, because my Sarah is a V channel VJ and I watch her programs repetitively.
          Past week I have filled my bedroom with what ever posters of her I found on the internet. I have always believed internet delivers to you and whenever it does, it does so in tons but what I got was only 4 different stills of her.
Now again for the nth time in life my favorites things have changed.

The girl I like: Sarah
The channel I like most: V Channel
The program I like: Who cares until she is on the screen.

          Heard that V TV is conducting auditions to recruit new VJ’s got to test my luck .Plenty on my plate before I do that got to become a dude .Friends keep watching may be who knows I may co-anchor her in some V-channel program nay….I may co-star her in a Bollywood movie; common don’t they say think big, it may well be Hollywood movie .When that happens I do not have to go around racking my brain to name the movie .I have already worked out that.

“Sundar and Jane” (Does it ring a bell, if it does well I did not mean that)

          As the lead character in some movie says ….”Mera Dil kaa Traffic Phir se rukh gayaa maamu …” (aur is baar ladki ka naam Sarah hain .Kya pata jab aap ee blog pad rahe ho ladki kaa naam kuch aur bhi ho saktaaa hain)

Random Musings

2006-10-10T18:59:00.000+05:30

Yesterday night sowed a small thought in my mind
I was going through this book 'The rise and Fall of Third Reich' and watching the movie 'Saving Private Ryan ' at a single time.Finally i donno when i dozed off with the book still in my hands.
There was a quote from the author in the book saying 'If hitler's father was not legalized and his surname changed to hilter .Hitler would have been Schicklgruber and that according to author would have made life difficult for hilter
In another work by some one i read that Hitler's mother was planning to abort the boy and changed her decision at the final moment.
These things collated together i had a strange feeling knowing that such a small thought and decision in life of an individual could change the "FATE OF HUMANITY"

Looking back at things in my life i wonder how many people's life i would have changed in course of my 23 years journey on this planet.How many of other people have paved me a way knowingly or unknowingly.
The single thought in context of the book brought shivers in my spine.....
May be one good decision of ours in the course of our life is a death blow to others in the their course of life
this is where my mind fails to connect to the complex network we the dwellers of the planet are interweaved in
as an after thought may be the time i spent in writing this post has saved me from meeting a fatal accident/a girl who would have come in to my life if I had not sat and done this

Who knows ......Who knows indeed......

Confusing isn't it

I Think .......

2006-10-07T17:58:00.000+05:30

day after day i sit here
I sit thinking about the days
days when u were there with me

I think about the day when i saw you first
like a fairy waking out of some dream

I think about the station bench
where we shared our little secrets

I think about the beautiful half moon
which had a glimpse of our first kiss

I think about the roller coaster ride
where i knew heaven in your arms

I think about heavenly music
all i remember is your voice

I think about immortality
all that comes to mind is our love

I think about a life
all that i remember is your company

Me and My Friends

2006-10-07T17:36:00.000+05:30

It's been two years

2006-10-07T17:17:00.000+05:30

I still remember the day i wrote the entrance for infy selections.I walked in ,unshaved in to the christ college campus ,i was astonished to find people round me trying to break that jinx ravi narula,sankuntale devi had created for them in the books they were carrying.
I still remember the tension in my friend's face when we realised that i forgot my photographs which were nithing but essential and how we manged to get them in time.
I still remember the one hour where people were just like zombies scribbling something seriously and in between racking their minds.After my exam i was confident i would clear it quite comfortably.
I still remember that evening when the sorrow of sachin getting out cheaply to zoysa overshaded the hapiness of my selection.

I still remember the day i walked in to that campus at bangalore which lead my life to two other cities Hyderabad and trivandrum the latter where i am still sitting writing this blog.....

It is unbeleivable for me still.The two years of job life was really rocking and to do what you love(travelling in my case) is really very good.
Infosys provided me that oppurtunity