Thursday, December 17, 2009

I Still can't figure out

I burnt my dairy today the 14th of December what did I achieve , yes I got the thought that I am still like those ashes that remained , which blew right and then left with wind , the ashes did not have a direction of its own and I do no either, I am 27 years young but still with no direction , not long ago I thought I had it figured it out ,every thing in my life looked rosy and cosy and planned , but one fateful day changed all that and I still am searching for what I want .The ashes of my dairy , even when they went to oblivion they taught me a thing or two about life , nothing is permanent , so don’t take any thing for granted,
I always thought I am better in some other place, I can be something I want, but I seldom realised that I could have been what I wanted in this place, at this time, saving ones energy for future seems futile to me at this point in time, spend it now says my immediate experience, so that’s what I am looking forward to, I may fail as I have in past but at least it is my failure.
It feels strange, very strange to me that I feel bad very bad to leave this place , I have reaped lot of pain here, where have I not , I cant go back to my birth place , for it is laden with too heavy memories from the death of my fathers elder brother death to his younger ones betrayal , my college place where my indecisiveness still puzzles me , and this place where I have loved and lost , so I dug deep and found the answer , and it was me the answer was me , I had every thing to blame , I lived in the past and dreamt about the future , and I now know that It wont work , through the journey I have earned friends , some as soft as a petal and others as hard as whip , but they have endured me and as I have my life , 27 years is too young for the above shit , but I owe it o the following people and it is my way of letting them know

I have not included my dad in the list , I don’t want be mean him , if there is a soul on the earth that would bear the dirt thrown at it, by it’s own flesh and blood , it could be none other than the man I excluded , I owe it to him and I will live by his rules and his fancies , it’s not a sacrifice but it’s a tribute , if ever there is one I would pay it to ,it would be to him.

Memories behave in a crazy way, they leave you alone when you are in a crowd and when you are alone they stand along like a crowd …. Strange are life’s ways and I am no stranger to them …….